Finding me

I think it’s a natural time in every growing young adult life that we lose ourself. We lose track of our passions, our goals, our motivation. There is a time in our life where the overwhelming activities in our life tend to blur the lines of the goals we have once set for ourselves.

Stress only grow as you get older, more things only pile on as you grow.

However, on that note, I find this opportunity as a time to reassess my goals and motivation. The past year and half (plus) in college have been quite challenging, There’s been tons of ups and down, good and bad, fights and arguments, happiness and depression. Everything that I believe is normal in any young college student life. Going forward however I want to be concise on my goals and my career path. It’s time I get serious and work the extra mile to go above and beyond my work. There is a lot that I’ve learned and discovered about myself in the past 2 years since high school.

The person I was two years ago still lives inside of me but now I feel a sense of urgency and a necessity to strive and succeed beyond the limits of my imagination. I want the ability to absorb books like I once did growing up. I want to reduce the need to be pretentious. I don’t want to mask my feelings, emotions, goals, and ambitions. I want to strive to be the best version of myself. That best version of myself includes being confident, smart, and dedicated.

I need to step up my game in school. I need to work on my test taking skills. I know so much of the material given, yet I choke so bad when it comes to the exams. That measure of my knowledge is not something that is going to go away. I need to work harder and become a better test taker. My short term goal right now is to finish strong in Business Marketing and Statistics. I need to conquer this semester. That GPA better be strong. There is not way around it. I need to get my head together and do this right.

I know I am smart enough. I know I can do this. I need to get into the mindset of motivating myself to make small wins so in the end I can get the big win, which is ultimately to get into a great masters program.

I know now I definitely don’t want to work in the marketing field for technology, however, with something like lobby for policy is not completely out of the books. Yet, advocating for policy isn’t something that completely satisfy me. There is more to being involved in government politics, whether it’s local or federal, there is a itch I can’t seem to scratch. I have this dying urge that won’t go away to do good for my community, for people whom I call my fellow friends, and the kids who don’t know how to rise above this area. It’s easy to get trapped in your own world, lord knows I get trapped in this world myself. It’s so easy to be tied down by the people around you and the environment you’ve grow up in. There is always borders and restrictions – perhaps even guidelines tying us down. I think this is what it means to grow, to start assessing those perimeters in your life and seeing where you can make strides to improve or learn from. I mean there are valuable lessons everywhere we look. Mistakes of others or even our personal mistakes however there is no denying that it takes a lot more to change our bad habits. Recognizing that we need change is just important as find the motivation to make changes. Looking for that lighter that fuels the fire.

I’m struggling to once again find the lighter that fuels my fire because these days I’m having a hard time finding it. For me it used to be simple, work hard so you can go to a GREAT college, then everything else will fall into your lap. Well, it’s a naive thought, but that is what you are often taught growing up. No matter who your parents are they are always telling you to stay focus, stay in school, so you can go to a great college and make a good life for yourself.

Then you get to college and realize, holy cow, where do I go from now. This is hard, I’m not getting the results I wanted. This isn’t how I thought it would be, I’ve kind lost my go getter personality for a bit. I just didn’t feel like I was smart enough to fit in. In college there is no crowd to fit in to, you just gotta go off based on your interests and passions and somehow along that way you might find some great people who share the same goals as you. Even then,  they might be lost themselves.

I don’t want my next goal to just be go to law school, score super high on the lsat, and go to a great school. I mean those are my goals but they’re not the only encompassing goals I have for myself. I want my goals to be on a deeper spiritual level, and I mean it in the sense I want my intellect to grow during this process. I want to be a better person, a better girlfriend, a better daughter, a better student, a better debater, a better thinker, and a better human being in life.

I could definitely work on my analytical skills for sure, I lack the complexity of creating long thoughts ( funny as I am writing this long “complex” post of my thoughts). On a professional and educational level I find myself not achieving the long complex presentations of a well thought out thought. It’s hard for me to explain my point with supporting detail without drawing it back to a conclusion. I don’t know why I struggle with it so much. I always get side tracked and end up going in circles and I want my thoughts to be clear and well thought out. I need to train it to make a point, back it with evidence, and conclude it in a precise and well thought manner.

I also don’t remember the last time I’ve read a book front to back, I keep getting side tracked and starting books. I’ve started 3 books in the past 6 months and have yet to finish them, I need to dedicate more time in my life to reading.

I do love the fact that I have gotten very good at writing a agenda for myself each week. I want to continue that and follow it more strictly. Further, I need to get myself to set weekly goals and achieve them.

So to sum it all up I need to plan out and follow through, read more ( make time to read more), and bring up my grades.

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